Negotiation Skills for Business, Salary and Debt
Negotiation Strategies Especially for Couples
These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common negotiating mistakes couples make: 1) Failure to prepare before the negotiation with your partner; 2) Caving in too quickly to avoid tension or to keep the peace; and 3) Stubbornly pushing too hard for your own solution. Why Learn to Negotiate with your Partner? The Difference Between Negotiation For Couples and Other Negotiations Skills Required For Negotiating With Your Partner Some Things Cannot Be Negotiated The Only Things You Can Really Negotiate Are Behavior And Decisions How To Prepare To Negotiate Before you start the negotiation, quietly reflect on the following questions: What do I want? Why do I want it and why is it important?
How important is this to me? You don't need to answer every question and complete every statement sequentially in a dialogue with your partner. But as you get mentally clear about these issues it will make it easier to conversationally express your concerns and desires. Start By Stating the Area of Disagreement State the disagreement in the form, "We seem to disagree about _______________." Describe Concerns About the Subject Avoid leading questions that sound like Perry Mason, "Did it ever occur to you that... ?" Brainstorm Solutions One partner proposes a solution The Rationale For This "Formula" The Other Partner Responds Remember – this negotiation is only an experiment. Nobody is locked into a permanent solution. It is only for a period of time to see what if anything needs adjusting. Repeat suggestions until agreement is reached. Take Action Evaluation Round Two, Three, Etc. Then repeat appropriate steps above. Don't be discouraged if your first attempts at this new negotiation strategy are awkward. This is challenging territory for most couples. Keep trying, and you'll improve. If you'd like more help on the subject, consider attending the weekend couples' workshop "Coming from your Heart" to learn this approach along with a lot of other practical, innovative material for couples. It's definitely easier to learn when you see demonstrations and role-plays. You'd even get to practice with a therapist helping you stay on track. Good luck, and may all your disagreements lead you to more lively collaboration. Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., and her husband Dr. Peter Pearson, are founders of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA. Authors, speakers, and therapists, they have been featured on over 50 radio and TV programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News." For information on, or to register for, workshops, visit The Couples Institute.
Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. Many people are frightened of conflict because they can't negotiate. Once you learn to negotiate you won't be so afraid of conflict. Good negotiation leads to acceptable solutions that work for both of you and will strengthen your relationship. Your communication skills automatically improve as you develop good negotiating skills.
Negotiation with your partner can feel especially risky, because the amount of emotional self disclosure required is much higher for couples than in business. Also, the result may have life-altering consequences (like negotiating where to live).
Effective negotiation for complex problems requires lots of openness about yourself, curiosity about your partner's issues and emotional risk. It also takes listening really well!
Core values, integrity, spirituality, feelings, attitudes and trust can not be negotiated.
Do your best to separate interests and concerns from values. You can negotiate your interests but not your core values or integrity. For example, it doesn't work to say, "I'll give up my spiritual beliefs for you."
You can negotiate what action someone will take and when they will do it, or you can negotiate a solution to a problem of disagreement.
Ask yourself how you aspire to be during the negotiation. For example, calm, open, flexible, honest, understanding, curious. By following the guidelines you set for yourself, you will more easily focus on a successful outcome. This is an often overlooked aspect of negotiation. Staying conscious of your own guidelines will help keep you centered and focused. Write your guidelines on a piece of paper and keep glancing at them during the negotiation. You will come across like an experienced negotiator simply by staying consistent with your own guidelines.
To get what I want, what will I need to do and what will my partner need to do?
If I get most of what I want what is the positive and negative effect on my partner?
How can I make it easier for my partner to say yes?
However, it may be difficult for my partner to give me most of what I want because _________________________________________________________________.
I may be able to increase the benefits to my partner by _________________________.
I may be able to decrease the downside to my partner by ______________________.
Add other relevant information that has not been suggested here.
It is important to describe the issue as disagreement instead of as a problem. It is very difficult to say "The problem is ___________" without blaming your partner or yourself. This actual or implied blame leads to a defensive reaction from one or both parties. The negotiation then begins to slip like a house built on loose gravel.
Then take turns expressing what your concerns and desires are about the disagreement.
One person goes first and expresses all their concerns while the other listens without rebutting or defending anything. The response is simply to recap and check for understanding. It may also be necessary to ask questions for clarity.
After each person has expressed all their concerns and desires, and each of you feels understood, then it is time for brainstorming solutions. Think of several possible solutions.
Make the suggested proposal in the following format:
Honey, what I suggest is _______________________________________________.
This suggestion works for me because ____________________________________.
This suggestion might work for you because _______________________________.
It encourages being a good self advocate. Simultaneously it forces you to consider your partner's perspective and helps prevent the possibility of only stubbornly pushing your own desires.
If the partner agrees with the whole suggestion, then recap why it works.
If the partner does not agree then start with recapping the part that does work.
The part that does work is ________________________________.
The part that doesn't work is ______________________________.
So my alternative suggestion is ____________________________.
This suggestion works for me because _______________________.
And it might work for you because __________________________.
Add value to your offers. Keep finding ways to make it easier for your partner to say yes.
If action is appropriate, decide who will do what by when.
Decide for how long you will try this solution.
After the action phase come back and evaluate the results.
If things are fine, continue for another block of time.
If it didn't work out as well as hoped, each person begins by saying, "Honey, it didn't work the way I hoped, but here is what I could have done differently." Don't start by stating what your partner should have done differently.
MORE ARTICLES:
Resource Website Directory
A helpful directory of websites and other online resources.
Negotiate Better Terms With Your Credit Card Issuer
Credit card holders may be having a hard time keeping up with the constantly changing rules within the industry Strategies that have long be considered fool proof when managing your credit card account are now no longer a sure thing
How to Negotiate Salary - Get What You're Worth
Your dream employer is interested in hiring you and all that lies in the way now is to negotiate your salary You want to be sure that you get what you are worth, but at the same time you don't want to lose this huge job opportunity
Can I Negotiate Credit Card Debt Reduction?
Even though credit card companies are tightening their access to consumer credit, plenty of cardholders have found themselves with too much credit card debt Now they need to settle their debt with the credit card issuer and start over
How to Negotiate Your Business Debt
No businessperson ever wants to be forced to admit defeat and have to declare bankruptcy Yet in the current economic climate, more and more business owners are having to do just that
Moving Tips For Consumers Include Negotiate Aggressively
Each year, approximately 19 million American households (42 million people) move to a new home, representing an average of 16 percent of the population or 115,000 people per day. In five years, nearly 80 percent of the US population will move.
How to Negotiate Better Deals With NLP
We all negotiate every day In business sales the negotiation is a core skill for anyone who has to purchase and sell products and services
A short guide on how best to negotiate the best quotes for annuities
Taking just a short while to understand how the pension annuity system works could be worth a substantial amount in years to come.
Negotiate Credit Card Debt Settlement
Debt settlement or otherwise called debt negotiation is an attempt to reduce existing debt where the creditor agrees to accept a subsidized payment that would be regarded as the full payment Debt negotiation is a great way to pay back any kind of credit card debt, although not many of us are aware of this simple fact
Why you should use a licensed attorney to negotiate your loan modification
Part 1 (Excerpt)
Tips To Negotiate Like A Pro
Most investors will agree, negotiating a good deal is the most difficult part of real estate investing Very rarely will you hear an investor say that he got everything he wanted
How To Negotiate With Your Outsourcing Service Providers
In the current economic environment, businesses are trying to cut costs from all possible ends. Strict IT budgets and limited resources are making it even more difficult to get things done but still it is important to adhere to the same levels of service and functionality. Keeping the quality of deliverables the same in spite of the reduced budget makes it important to extract the best value for every penny that is spend.
3 Simple Steps You Can Take Today To Negotiate Lower Debt Payments
You don't have to be a professional to understand how to negotiate your debt and lower your payments to your creditors Follow these steps now
Know What You Can Negotiate In Your New Car Loan
Even with today's economy somersaulting in many directions, getting a new car loan is still on some people's list of things to do this year. It may be for necessity, a growing family, or a son or daughter off to college, but whatever the reason, the opportunity to obtain a fair loan is more on your side, the consumer, than the financial institutions that want your business.
How to Negotiate Your Salary
The process of job hunting is full of not just excitement but also anxiety. Preparing resume, applying for posts, getting ready for interviews, facing the interviewer, waiting for responses and making a decision gets tiring, to say the least. And once you get a job offer, what is most difficult is negotiating the salary part. Salary and compensation is that part of the job negotiation that can effectively make or break a deal. It is a very important aspect of finalizing a job opportunity.
